In life, there are people who tend to be very difficult to manage. They are everywhere – in our families, work places, religious groups and every human gathering.
The larger the organisation, the more you find people who can be so described. It is important to understand these people in order to know how best to deal with them. In this article, we shall cover the following areas:-
i) Understanding difficult people
ii) People as the manager’s key problem
iii) Seven types of difficult people
iv) Characteristics of difficult people and
v) Basic steps to cope with difficult people.
UNDERSTANDING DIFFICULT PEOPLE
A difficult person is one who often acts in a manner disagreeable to those around them. It may be a troublesome relation, a hostile customer, a do-nothing subordinate, an indecisive boss or a quarrelsome neighbor. Studies show that such people are commonly driven by a desire to promote their own power, self-interest and glory, and they have no qualms doing this at the expense of others and the organisation.
Here are five assumptions about human nature that allow for the existence of trouble makers:
1. Human beings are not entirely rational or objective and possess inherent limitations in mental capacity, memory and objectivity.
2. Insecurity and feelings of negative self-worth (low self-esteem) can result in defensive actions, reactions and dysfunctional coping styles.
3. Strong desires for power and control can block the ability to make any decision that would increase dependence on others or the organisation.
4. People resist change when their security and positions in life are threatened.
5. People do not have equal ability to learn. Those who learn at a different pace than us tend to be seen as difficult.
Understanding and accepting all sides of human nature allows us to better recognise and cope with troublemakers.
PEOPLE AS THE MANAGER’S KEY PROBLEM
Studies have shown that people-related problems, including those caused by difficult people, constitute the single greatest source of frustration for managers, thereby constituting one of the most fundamental roadblocks to productivity.
In Nigeria, studies indicated the existence of a sizeable number of individuals who enjoy pushing other people’s personality or threat buttons. The same study observed that about 10% of the people we work with are “relentlessly difficult” or just troublemakers. The study observed that 70% of us are unable to cope effectively with these troublemakers.
SEVEN TYPES OF DIFFICULT PEOPLE
The following are the seven major types of Difficult People.
i) The hostile aggressives
ii) The complainers
iii) The silent unresponsive persons
iv) The super-agreeables and other wonderfully nice people
v) The negativists
vi) The know-it-all experts
vii) The indecisive stallers
CHARACTERISTICS OF DIFFICULT PEOPLE
TYPE A: THE HOSTILE AND AGGRESSIVE
These are the people who try to bully and overwhelm by bombarding others, making insensitive remarks or throwing tantrums when things don’t go their way. There are three sub-groups.
i) Sharman Tanks:- Always charging, abusive, intimidating, abrupt, pushy, loud and ready to attack right about everything. They are usually low in productivity and intellectually not very bright in their chosen fields.
Coping Strategies
* Standup to them without fighting
* Give them time to run down
* Don’t worry about being polite
* Just get in, anyway you can
* Avoid a head-on fight
* Maintain eye contact
ii) Snipers:- This group, like Sherman Tanks, share a strong sense of how others ought to think and act.
Characteristics
“I am superior” Complex; noneplayful teasing; sniping directed mainly at unresolved problems; tends not to see things from other people’s point of view.
Coping Strategies
* Smoke them out, that is surface the attack
* Don’t let social conventions stop you
* Don’t give up to the sniper’s view of the situation, get other points of view
* Set-up regular problem solving meetings to prevent sniping
iii) The exploders
Characteristics: Fearsome attacks filled with rage, often in the form of tantrums, screams, yells and cries.
Coping Strategies
* Give them time to run down and regain self-control
* If they don’t, shout a neutral phrase such as “stop”
* If worse comes to the worst, excuse yourself and leave the scene of the fire.
TYPE B: THE COMPLAINERS
Complainers are individuals who gripe incessantly but who never try to do anything about what they complain about either because they feel powerless to do so or because they refuse to bear the responsibility.
CHARACTERISTICS/BEHAVIOUR
Self-righteously blames and acuses:- irks, irritates and exhausts you, finds faults with everything and lives in a world of accusations, badmouthing and powerlessness; points out real problems in an offensive manner; has a strong sense of how others ought to behave and feels angry when those others don’t conform. The complainers world is one of passivity, blaming others and powerlessness.
COPING STRATEGIES
* Try to move to a problem solving perspective by asking specific informational questions.
* Listen attentively
* Acknowledge what they are saying by paraphrasing and checking out your perception of how they feel about the matter.
* Be prepared to interrupt
* Use limiting responses like “never”; “always”; etc.
* Don’t agree
* Avoid the accusation-defense-reaccusation sequence.
* State facts without apology and comment
* If everything fails, ask the complainer; how do you want this discussion to end?
TYPE C: THE SILENT AND UNRESPONSIVE PERSON
These are the people who respond to every question you might have, every plea for help you make, with a “yes sir” a “no sir” or a grunt.
CHARACTERISTICS/BEHAVIOUR
Sits and stares at you, to your statements or questions. You get only “yes”, “hmmm”, “nope”, or even a grunt. Will not or can not talk when you require to hear from them; incapable of decision-making. “I need to re-examine these figures again” or “We don’t possess enough information”, constitute their basic attitude. Very difficult to understand what their silence or lack of response means. Most times empty and lacking in intellectual content.
COPING STRATEGIES
* Try to get them to talk
* Ask open-ended questions
* Employ the friendly, silent stare, to wait as long as you can for a response
* Don’t fill the void or space with your conversation
* Help break the silence by using non-verbals to provoke them to talk
* Set time limits
* Lean towards them; raise an eyebrow or look directly at them, avoid a polite ending; terminate the meeting yourself; and set-up another appointment. Inform them what you must and will do, since a discussion was not possible.
TYPE D: THE SUPER-AGREEABLES AND WONDERFULLY NICE PEOPLE
Often personable, funny and outgoing individuals, super-agreeables are always reasonable, sincere and supportive in your presence but don’t produce what they say they will, or act contrary to the way they have led you to expect. They are individuals who manipulate the presentation of reality in order to earn your approval.
CHARACTERISTICS/BEHAVIOUR
Always have a smile and friendly word for you; always agreeable; appear responsive until you need some action. They tell you agreeable things; make you believe they are in agreement, only to let you down. Very outgoing, friendly, sociable but difficult because what you see is not what you get. They have strong needs to be liked and accepted and will follow through, rather than losing your friendship and approval. These set of people can lead satan to hell through deception.
COPING STRATEGIES
* Work hard to surface the underlying facts and issues that prevent the super-agreeables from taking action.
* Make honesty non-threatening, by asking them to tell you those things that might harm your good relationship.
* Be ready to compromise and negotiate if open conflict is about to occur.
* Listen to their humour as there may be some useful hidden messages.
TYPE E: THE NEGATIVISTS
Negativists are people who while at times are personally capable, have a deep seated conviction that any task not in their hands will fail. They make their negative statements with conviction because they believe that others in power don’t care or are self-serving.
CHARACTERISTICS/BEHAVIOUR
They respond to other people’s productive suggestions with “oh it won’t work”, “we tried it last year”, “go with your idea, that is how to do it here”‘ or “forget it, we will not be allowed to do it”. Like complainers, negativists are convinced that they have little power over their own lives.
COPING STRATEGIES
* Be careful over the possibility of dragging yourself down into despair. Avoid getting trapped.
* Make realistic and optimistic statements about past successes in solving similar problems.
* Don’t try to argue Negativists out of their pessimism.
* Don’t rush into proposing solutions until the problem has been well discussed.
* Regard the Negativist’s pessimism as part of problem to be solved.
* Be prepared to take action on your own and announce your plan to do this without ambiguity.
TYPE F: THE KNOW-IT-ALL EXPERTS (BULLDOZERS AND BALLOONS)
These are those “superior” people who believe and want you to recognize that they know everything there is to know about anything worth knowing. They are imposing (if they really know what they are talking about) or pompous (if they don’t) and they will likely make you feel like an idiot.
CHARACTERISTICS/BEHAVIOUR
They convey a belief in their own superiority, leaving you angry, humiliated and immobilized. They behave as if they know everything – some do, others don’t. All are genuinely annoying.
COPING STRATEGIES
* Prepare yourself well by checking all materials for accuracy – Do your home work well.
* Avoid dogmatic statements.
* State correct facts or alternative opinions.
* Question firmly but don’t confront. Firmly make your opinion known and leave it at that.
* Be careful to manage your own behaviour and not get detailed by theirs.
TYPE G: THE INDECISIVE STALLERS
These are individuals who can not make up their minds. They constitute a problem to you only when you depend on them for actions. Both indecisive stallers and super-agreeables tell you things that are satisfying. Both leave you believing they are in agreement with your plans, only to let you down – hence, they are both difficult people.
CHARACTERISTICS/BEHAVIOUR
Super-helpful, indecisive people would postpone decisions that might distress someone. As a compromise between being honest and not hurting anyone, they limit and beat about the bush.
COPING STRATEGY
* Make it easy for them to surface the conflicts or reservations that hamper decisions.
* Listen for indirect words, hesitations and omissions that may provide clues to problem areas.
* Help them to solve the problem with the decision.
* But if you sense signs of abrupt anger, try to steer the staller from the decision situation.
BASIC STEPS ON HOW TO COPE WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE
Underlying the coping process are six fundermental steps that will help you succeed, no matter what type of difficult person you need to deal with.
* Assess the situation.
* Stop wishing the difficult persons were different.
* Get some distance between you and the difficult behaviour.
* Formulate a coping plan.
* Implement your plan.
* Monitor the effectiveness of your coping strategy, modifying it where approriate.
To conclude, it is important to understand that to some people and in some circumstances you too are the difficult person. Yes, we all to some degree are also difficult people to others. So, do an honest self-assessment. WHO ARE YOU?
* What are your strong points?
* What are your weak points?
* Improve/consolidate your strong points.
* Underplay your weak points.
Since you have knowledge of your weak points, improve them. But do not assume that you are free from these human natures.
